Artist Block by ~Asukki-chan on deviantART
as is the case with most of the bloggers i have met over the years we all started our blogs as something to record what we were thinking or going thru at that point in our lives,, i for one never imagined anyone would read my blog and thus there was no pressure,, i just wrote about what was on my mind or going on in my life..
it took several months and becoming involved in blogging network sites such as blog log and blog catalog for me to experience my first wave of readers,,, i must say it was an ego boost to know that there were people out ther that not only read my blog but commented on it.. it made me feel a part of a community,, and living in an isolated areas as i do,, feeling as if i belonged somewhere meant everything to me..
once i was introduced to the blogging memes,, i dove in head first,, i even amazed myself at the versatility with which i could write.. i eventually took up poetry in addition to the commentary,, and a short story here or there was sure to follow..
i received such stellar responses to my creative pieces i was driven to create more and more of them until i found myself with so much to say i could not contain it all on one blog so i branched out,, at one time i even had five different blogs up and running..
the words poured out of me like honey from the soul,, and i couldn’t have felt more fulfilled..
then came the past winter when i suffered a meltdown of sorts and the words dried up.. i was so distraught i consulted with and accepted the diagnoses of a psychiatrist and a therapist that in their own brand of infinite wisdom put me on anti psychotic meds that dulled my brain to the point that i could no longer string my beloved words together..
now that i am off the medications,, i am suffering severe panic upon rising,, and it interferes greatly with the words i am able to put down on paper,, as it was during theos quiet early morning hours that i was able to produce some of my finest works.. it has caused me to have to not only reduce my blog posts to near journal entries,, but it shut down the creative side of my brain to the point that i really cannot write creatively at all at the moment.
i feel as if i have let you all down.. i feel as if i cannot provide you with the quality of writing i was producing,, and thus shy away from writing at all..
but i know in my heart that i have to keep writing,, even if it is just the lame posts i am able to put together right now,, as if i stop,, if i let it smolder it will eventually fizzle out and my words will be taken from me.. and to tell you the truth i don’t know if i could survive if it wasn’t for the opportunity to pour myself out onto the page..
it is my sincere hope that the words will return,, it is just taking my brain a while to get back to being able to think in a creative mode.. i cannot pressure myself currently to do that which is not coming naturally as it adds to the level of stress i wake with every morning and makes me ever so uncomfortable,, so i am hoping that you ,, my true blogging friends,, will understand,, and continue to read and comment even if it is just to let me know,, in this time of few words,, that i still belogng..
July 8th, 2009 at 6:29 am
As long as you let the words into your heart, they will eventually follow into your hands. I have many moments where I wonder why I even write anymore, but then some poem comes in the middle of the night or during a panic attack that tells me I’m meant to be a writer. I also believe I churn my best works out in the morning which is a shame, because due to my current situation I can never get to sleep at a decent time nor sleep at all. Insomnia and my aunt’s constant sexcapades along with my computer being a part of my bed and my cousin playing World of Warcraft on it, I’m stuck without anything to do and no sleep. This leads me to linger on the whole Emily thing, because I still haven’t had a conversation with her, and it feels like tug of war. When I avoid her she approaches me, and when she avoids me I approach her. I know she’s just a person, and I don’t think of her otherwise. It’s more that I never feel like I have anything to say in conversations unless it dwells on my complaints, and that’s a sure way to court someone. I think I might be too late on that aspect, anyway, but I was hoping for a friend.
Anyway, I want to belong too, and I haven’t felt like I’ve had a home in so long. And every place I go I feel like a stranger.
July 8th, 2009 at 7:23 am
you are too talented to lose your words, I think it’s deep inside just waiting to come out, I do think your thoughts/journal posts are interesting to read, I could never put my thoughts together as well as you, I hope you the inspiration to write soon
July 8th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Not to worry. The talent and creativity are there. The words will come.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:19 am
As Ive said many times before, I am not a fan or user of any drugs (prescription or otherwise) wine excluded ok! :<) That being said, I have interacted with many people who regularly take drugs for depression, anxiety etc. What is always the case it seems is how different their personalities seem then they actually are. Dulled down, flat…or hyper and non-focused. I think it will take time to get this "crap" out of your system Paisley. (sorry if this is abrupt or rude, not meant to be, my opinion) Apparently, it can take months according to one of my uncles who is a doctor. Don't give up, your muse will return. Your talent is still there. And we will be here, waiting to read your wonderful work.
Many hugs, G
July 8th, 2009 at 8:22 am
My comment went poof. In a nutshell I previously said… Hang in there, this will take some time Paisley. Drugs take their toll and don’t just leave a person’s system overnight. Your talent is still there, your muse will return. And we will be here to read your wonderful work. Hugs, G
July 8th, 2009 at 8:23 am
Your words are still there and they will resurface when they’re supposed to. I for one will be around when they do. And, know that you will always belong here with us in our hearts. Have a great day.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
OMG, you beautiful, passionate, sensitive woman. Of course you belong. You will ALWAYS belong. Writing ebbs and flows and it will return. The same thing happened to me. I had a breakdown in my early 30s and didn’t write for about 5 years. Then it all came back in a rush.
I just wanted to mention about the morning anxiety. I have found meditation to be very good. I do it in the evenings. It is very relaxing. I usually focus on one thing and just zone out for about 15 or 20 minutes. There are lots of techniques on the net. I scoffed about it initially but I must say that it does take the edge off the panic.
I also want to say that you are one of my favourite writers. I look up to you. And I won’t ever stop reading. XXX
July 9th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Grab yourself a copy of ” The Artists Way”by Julia Cameron…… it’s old now so you can probably pick it up at a used book store…or any store for that matter…or on amazon for cheap. Read it and do the morning pages….I know a few authors that swear by it…. The hand written morning pages are an excellent exercise and clear the minutia of the day!! Check it out!
July 9th, 2009 at 2:21 am
Believe it or not, you are being creative, you are writing now! You are peeling away the layers of your soul and letting the words be the evidence. As you can see by the comments, whatever you write, there are those of us drawn to the pulse of your being! YOU BELONG!
July 9th, 2009 at 2:34 am
paisley,
You don’t have to be perfect everyday.
You don’t have to be perfect anyday.
We just want to be with you, all be it, across the internet.
rel
July 9th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Hmmm. If I were writing like you do, I’d never think of writer’s block. I admire your writing style – it doesn’t matter that the topics change, you write with precise abandon and I truly envy you. To me, block seems like an empty square rather than words on a page.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
The thing about the “blogging world” is that people might begin reading a blog for its content but soon they go read the posts because they have become accustomed to the writer. We begin to care about each other and what happens to us. I know I come here to read what is going on with you. My suspicion is that it is the same with the majority of your readers. We care about YOU. It matters not that we are reading about your daily life and daily challenges, we have a connection to you and get our “fix” by reading any posting you make. We are here to “see” you, visit you as it were.
Your words are still inside of you. Sometimes they just quiet down because there is so much else inside of us smushing them down. They’ll be back and they will pour out of you like water…they will flood out of you to make up for the drought!
July 11th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I know how you feel Pais….I’ve felt that way many times. I do feel some comfort in knowing that the times between my posts, I still have friends who drop by every now and then anyway. My blogging friends have helped me thought so much, and for that I am thankful. Your words always come from deep in the heart, and it is revealed as such. . . . I feel as though your words are the ideal creativity, because they capture such truthfullness. PLL, C.
July 11th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
you will always belong to me as my friend and confidant. What you write and think of as writing without quality, is the kind of writing I aspire to be able to achieve!! YOU ARE a writer. The depth and intensity of pain and emotional angst may not be what I am reading right now.. Isn’t that a good thing? Please PLEASE don’t shy away from what you were meant to do… WRITE . write anything.. write a recipe for dogs! write instructions on how to rid a draw of mice droppings!
Write about how you sat and paid bills with a cup of passion tea! WHATEVER you have to say.. I just love the way you relate it to the reader!! I will always be dropping in on my favorite writer. it’s not writers block if you are feeling freer and sunnier than before! Love u! xo
July 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Honey, you could NEVER let me down.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
I would love to sit and talk with you and this…I have so much to say about it all. Becoming a part of something pleasant, yet unintended. Watching it become a part of who I am, and then slowly watching it dissipate. Sometimes when it’s quiet — and that’s not often anymore — I hear my words and wish I had a pad to write them down so I might hang on to part of them and hope that it might jog my memory when I do have time to write. But I’m a laborious writer, and like you, enjoy the early morning for that. I’m thinking it’s not writer’s block, but more a need to find a different time to write and make it yours. At least that’s what I’m trying to do…slow progress at best.