the following is the third installment of a series that speaks about internal change.. you may navigate the series by beginning with the post entitled the beast and work your way back to this post,, or use the links in the footnote of this installment…
Reckless Impatience by ~evilhomer145 on deviantART
seldom when we think of bravery,, does the caterpillar come to mind.. more often than not when we think of the caterpillar,, we think of an elegant metamorphosis.. it has become an almost magical creature.. one that undergoes a complete physical transformation… it is miraculously transported from its humble beginnings as an often homely, furry, worm like, creepy crawly creature to the magnificent beauty of a butterfly,, soaring ever free in summers blue sky..
and yet,, i cannot help but wonder- what if we were to ask the butterfly,, soon after her (and i am using the female vernacular for no other reason than ease) transformation,, what was it like? was it as amazingly effortless as it seems?? every bit as magical?? would you do it all again??
as much as we would like to think that she would be bubbling over, extolling the virtues,, anxiously imparting the indescribable magic of such an amazing experience,, i am very much afraid we would instead find out,, quite adamantly,, that instead,, it was a grueling experience filled with indescribable pain and terror.. one that has left her not only outwardly changed, a virtual stranger to herself,, but forever lost in a strange land.. alone.. abandoned.. cursed to spend the rest of her life nursing the emotionally scars inflicted upon her by the seemingly magical process of exquisite metamorphosis that she was forced,, thru no fault of her own,, to endure..
can you imagine?? can you even begin to imagine what it would be like to be happily wandering the woods nibbling on grass one day,, only to,, for no explicable reason,, have your own body turn against you?? to cage what you have always known to be your self in a hard outer covering? to have a hard shell like crust begin to rip thru your flesh, while your own body begins secreting acid like chemicals that begin almost immediately,, to digest you- from the inside, out?? can you imagine looking on in horror,, not to mention excruciating,, searing pain,, as the only you that you have ever known turns into a virtual vomitus of dead and digested tissue- all the while having no idea, not only why, this is happening to you,, but,, if you are going to live or to die???
neither can i.. and it is that realization, that allows me to know that my concept of what true change actually encompasses,, is lacking.. it makes me painfully aware of the fact that there is no such thing as a magical, enchanted, painless metamorphosis.. it reiterates to me, that no matter how much i desire it,, or how necessary it has seemingly become,, it should never be entered into with reckless impatience,, unrealistic expectations,, or grandiose visions of instant gratification…
but mostly,, it finally makes clear something i, for one, have spent my entire life time wondering about… is that hookah smoking caterpillar in alice in wonderland gettin’ high????
part 1: the beast
part 2: common ground
part 3: metamorphosis
part 4: voices
