my parents on their wedding anniversary, two years ago
as some of you may remember my dad was hospitalized twice in the recent past with heart problems. in addition to having an arrhythmia that was persistent and difficult to control with medication,, he had a stent placed to clear an obstruction,, and was ultimately diagnosed as needing an aortic valve replacement..
he had the aortic valve replacement surgery last wednesday (10-8-08),, and made it thru the surgery just fine.. however since then,, his kidneys have not resumed function,, and as of yesterday he has begun suffering severe swelling and distention of the abdomen,, possibly related to a shut down of the intestinal track according to my mom, who is not really good at relaying medical information,, (he is currently being fed and hydrated intravenously,, he has taken no food or water orally since before the surgery) or the liver shutting down according to my own arm chair detective work..
either way,, his current prognosis is not real good.. my mom has asked to bring in an acupuncturist today,, and the cardiac surgeon is compliant, which kind of makes me wonder if he isn’t to willing to try anything at this point.,, although according to mom he told her he is not “overly concerned”?????
my mom is a bit strung out,, but seems to be holding up pretty well and she maintains there is no reason for myself or my sisters to be there.. i feel so out of control.. while i know there is nothing i can do, medically,, i also know i feel like i should be there.. i feel like she needs us.. like he needs us.. no matter what they say..
we have been so dysfunctional for so long,, i don’t know whether i should do what she asks and stay here,, or do what my heart tells me is right and just go… is she reluctant to ask us to come? does she think to do so would be a ‘bad omen’ so to speak?? is my dad adamant about not seeing us?? does she just not want us there?? i have no way of knowing….
she says the elders of their congregation (jehovah’s witnesses) are there and they are doing everything.. i only know that they are not calling any of the daughters and updating us as to his condition,, (is that because we are all disfellowshipped??) does their being there take the place of your own daughters being there?? or is she saying that so i won’t feel guilty that i am not there?? i honestly do not know…
i just don’t know what to do..
October 13th, 2008 at 5:59 am
I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. In this case I think you should follow your heart and go to see him. I wouldn’t like to think of you regretting not seeing him. I know what that feels like and I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through it. I can sense from what you have just written that you really want to go and see him. A lot of people in these situations will say they don’t want you to come when they really do. I think your parents would be glad to see you. I am wishing you all the best with whatever you decide to do and sending my love to you and your Dad.
October 13th, 2008 at 6:51 am
You should definitely follow your heart - if you don’t and heaven forbids something should happen, you will never forgive yourself.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
October 13th, 2008 at 6:56 am
congrats to them they look lovely and rasied a fine daughter
October 13th, 2008 at 7:44 am
I am so sorry to hear about your dad hope he recovers very soon
October 13th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Sorry to hear about your father, Jodi. Certainly the Elders being there gives them some level of comfort, but nothing can or should take the place of ‘flesh and blood’. I’m with Bobbi & Selma. It’s much easier to look tomorrow squarely in the eye, if you’ve done what you believed was right, today.
October 13th, 2008 at 9:40 am
I agree with Bobbi. Follow your heart.
I went through something very similar when my father lay dying and my mother told me not to worry…no need to come.
I forever grieve I wasn’t there for him during his last breaths…
October 13th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I say go. And sorry to hear about the illness.
October 13th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I would go in a heartbeat Jodi! My thought’s will be with your dad and your family. HUG
October 13th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
follow your heart with out a doubt…
October 13th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Our thought’s are with you, hope he gets well soon.
October 13th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I am sorry to read of your fathers condition…If you can future pace a bit, try asking yourself the following question - What would I have wished I would have done…?
Staying or going won’t be easy…
I wish you the best.
Poetman
October 13th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Oh Jodi! My heart goes out to you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
I think you need to FOLLOW your heart in this situation, because if he doesn’t come through this? You will never be able to forgive yourself. I say GO SEE YOU FATHER. Forget what your mother says.
October 13th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
it’s always a difficult decision - and you may have regrets either way. based on my experiences with hospitals, though, if you do go you need to expect very limited time with your dad. phone calls may be more effective. hours - even for family members - may be limited, and you may find yourself more frustrated…
good luck sorting it out….
October 13th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Jodi, The downside of not going far surpasses that of following your heart and being there. Go. xoxo
October 13th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I totally understand the dilemma… if I were to face the same situation, it would be even more complicated since my parents live halfway across the world from me, so would I be able/willing to just hop on a plane, and for how long of a stay should I plan, etc etc etc … … … and yet, my gut feel is that it’s probably better for you to make the effort to see him. It’ll stop the agonizing.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:17 am
My thoughts are with you, and with your family. Wish I could offer advice but all I have is a sympathetic ear.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:53 am
What a dilemma. Surely you must do whatever your heart tells you. There is only one person who matters here and that’s your dad.
October 14th, 2008 at 3:37 am
I have been sitting here wondering what to answer! Your situation has touched a few chords for me related to my mother! I think you need to do what is right for you. What exactly do you need to do? I can offer the question, but only you know the answer! HUGS!
October 14th, 2008 at 4:00 am
it is beyond all the bullshit–you fucking go or regret it the rest of your life…
October 14th, 2008 at 10:10 am
What if you call the hospital? Talk to the nurse’s station on his floor and explain that you aren’t getting the information you need and are concerned about both your father’s condition as well as your mother’s. They see your mom while she’s there and can gauge how she is doing.
In the end, I think you need to do WHAT YOU NEED to do. If being there is what would make things better for you, then go. It could be that your mom is one of those moms that says “no, the house is fine” even when you can clearly see that there are flamings reaching outside of every window and door.
I would go.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:11 am
I am with Scot on this one.
Perhaps it isn’t appropriate to express my views on the JW machinery and their mandate to keep any semblence of reality away from their captives at all costs but he is your Dad. He may have voluntarily surrendered his ability to govern his life but you didn’t.
Their reasons for guarding him are explicitly directed from a dogmatic sense of group preservation. BUT, He is your Dad, and even if you don’t get around to saying any of the ’somethings that need saying’, he would still love to hear
“I Love You Daddy.”
As a Father, I can think of no higher power than hearing those words from my children. Believe me.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:51 am
If not now? When?
What life and death event are you waiting for? This is for your Dad.He loves so much. This is for your sanity. Can you just imagine the regret you’ll feel if you don’t go and you never seen him again? Don’t you have enough self-inflicted guilt, pain and regret? This is one time you can do something good. It won’t be pretty between you and your mom and the JW elders, but it will be far better that the alternative if you do nothing.You’re gonna have to be both the Street and Scared girl simultaneously. You can do it. You must. Your Angels are with you Jodi. Fly.
October 14th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
What a handsome couple! You can only do what your heart tells you. If I were in that position, I would go. Sometimes we research too much when action is the verb of choice. Good luck to your dad! And to you and your family, Jodi.
October 14th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Definitely go! There are few times in life that can never be done over– this is one of them. You need to do what YOU need. And anyone that tries to act as a barrier between a parent and his child should be ashamed of themselves….
October 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Little One, Please visit my site for a sign. I recommend calling the nurses station and if he is able to take a phone call, ask the nurse to transfer the call and ask her to hand the receiver to your Father. This way you can speak directly with him and tell him everything in your heart. You’ll know if you should go or not. Please check out the sign I got. I promise to keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. Warmest hugs and love, Me
October 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
P.S. They are a handsome couple!
October 14th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Little One, Call and speak with your Dad. Come on over and see the sign I got last week. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and love, Me.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:53 am
paisley,
GO!!
rel
October 20th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Your mom is hot. Best wishes go to your dad.