Waiting for the Miracle by ~luana on deviantART
i have been thinking, over the course of the last week or so, about all the times in my life i have felt that, “there has to be a reason i am still alive.. there has to be a reason i was spared.. i must be destined for something great,, as it is a miracle that i am still here….”
thoughts of this kind have been prevalent, of late,, as in the process of doing some research for a fiction piece i am working on,, i have come across many life stories quite similar to mine.. those who, like myself, ‘made it’.. i have found that i am not alone in feeling like there must be a reason i was saved.. many have turned to god as they came to the conclusion, that ‘he’ was the reason they were saved.. many turned to counseling, feeling that they had to share the special wisdom they evidently possessed.. still others turned their experiences into art or literature as a means of spreading the word,, and in so doing,, feel that they are fulfilling their grandiose purpose here on this earth….
however,, intermingled in the stories of those that made it,, were the stories of those that did not.. and it was while i was reading their stories,, that i realized,, i was not spared.. i was not saved.. i am not destined for greatness, any more than those persons, who didn’t ‘make it’..
i couldn’t help but wonder,, who the hell i think i am,, to believe that my life has greater meaning because i lived,, than the life of someone, just like me,, that didn’t?? after all,, really believing that there was a reason i was spared,, would in essence be saying that i believed there was a reason they were not.. i would have to acknowledge that they were evidently not as special as me.. they could not possibly have been as valuable as me.. that their life served less purpose than mine. i would have to believe, that i was in fact better than them.. and there is no way i could live with myself if i truly believed that…
i cannot tell you the burden that was lifted off me when the reality of that realization set in… i don’t have to try and be someone,, or something worthy of being saved.. i don’t have to aspire to greatness,, or spend my whole life searching for the reason,, (as surely there must be a reason) that i was spared.. i don’t have to spread the word,, or feel that i have been instrumental in the saving of even one life.. i don’t have to leave behind a legacy of literary greatness,, in order to prove that i was special,, that i was worthy of being saved,, when so many others, just like me,, died…
hey,, i just got lucky…
September 6th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I’m a great believer that wisdom finally comes from adversity – if you allow it to. Maybe you ’spared’ yourself, whereas others didn’t quite get it.
September 6th, 2008 at 8:12 am
I think it was down to your own tenacity that you were ’saved’ but it is also a relief to hear you acknowledge that maybe you just got lucky – because I feel that way too about my own life. I do get sick of all that ‘this is happening for a reason’ crap and it does place an enormous burden on a person. Maybe things happen just because they happen. I have gone through quite a bit of adversity and people say to me: ‘You wouldn’t be able to write like you do if you hadn’t suffered.’ Maybe not, but it sure would to be nice every time something bad happened not to think :”Hey, this’ll make me a better writer.” Brilliant, meaningful post!
September 6th, 2008 at 8:27 am
“I don’t have to leave behind a legacy of literary greatness.”
Powerful words!
September 6th, 2008 at 8:45 am
I agree. It doesn’t bother me if there are no miracles. By the way, that’s a great picture!
September 6th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Just writing for yourself nd examining your life is the best gift. You’re here for today; you’re writing; that’s enough.
September 6th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Isn’t luck a wonderful thing? It might be the best “miracle” of all.
b
September 6th, 2008 at 11:30 am
“it’s smarter to be lucky than it’s lucky to be smart”… From “Pippin” i think… i wake up every morning thinking how lucky i am… given the choice? rather have luck than just about anything else!
September 6th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
No one is greater than another. It’s all about the choices we make on our journey’s. You saved yourself and are living life on your terms. Your future is up to you, unless you get hit by a bus.
Just getting up in the morning has purpose, who would feed our pups? lol HUGS
September 6th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Some people believe the soul charts out the next life before it begins, with forks of choice in the road that determine the eventual outcome. Some believe that when people die – say, at a young age or from tragic circumstances – it was because they were actually teachers in some way for those who loved them and would outlive them. And some believe that we are simply here to understand what it means to recognize and allow as much of the beauty of life into our experience as possible – even in the midst of, and after, adversity and anguish. Allow. I ascribe to a little bit of all three.
September 6th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I am a believer in Destiny Pais! It was your destiny to be saved and to be touching the lives of so many with your poetic, moving words, and to be the loving care taker to your pets who needed you. Am I too corny, if I say.. We are all miracles?? As a Mother, I truly believe the birth of each little being is a miracle. Another reason we should all being cherishing each other.
September 6th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
So many wise comments have been left here. All I am going to add is that I am glad you were spared.
September 6th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I’m glad you’re still here; spared or not; luck or reason. I believe the soul can not ascend until it is ready. Who knows . . Peace, Light and Love. . . CordieB.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
You may think you just got lucky, but could it be that you were unaware of an amazing love that was shown you at a particular moment? I’ve been there myself, many times. I say that’s worth investigating more than just simply leaving gratuity to luck.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
I’m with Selma and others who discard the, “oh, so convenient, everything happens for a reason”. What’s wrong with good old common sense, like, cause and effect? I met the man I eventually married because, while staying with my beloved Uncle John and Aunt Nellie when I was in my early teens, I met a girl my own age who owned her very own riding horse. I rode my cousin’s pony. Three or four years later while visiting her on her farm, I met the new “hired hand”. The hired hand buried my beloved Chow dog who died without appartent cause one hot afternoon. While watching the hired man burying my dog, I made up my mind that he was the man I was goind to marry, and I did. It was as simple as that. If I had not spent summers on my uncle and aunt’s farm, I would not have met the girl over the hill, and if I had not met the girl over the hill, I would not have met the man I eventually married. There is another chapter. My brother met my best girlfriend, they fell in love and they eventually married.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I think I got a bit carried away. What I meant to write was this: perhaps we put too much importance on trying to “be somebody”, and I wonder if it has always been so. Paisley, you met life, faced it head on, used it sometimes to a disadvantage perhaps, but you survived it. You survived it because you were determined not to let others pull you down. I don’t consider that as “being saved”, but as doing what is so impossible for so many and that is: you pulled youself out of a quagmire with your own strength. Friends may wait with encouragement on the sidelines, but you did it.
September 6th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Perhaps, Paisley, you were neither saved or spared but your time ‘to leave’, so to speak, has not come yet. To each, his fate (I think).
“Asiyefunzwa na mamaye hufunzwa na ulimwengu” simply means “one who is not taught (the ways of the world/life) by his or her mother will be taught by the world. I could almost confidently say that it is a Swahili saying used to warn parents against spoiling their children.
September 6th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
you (and I) are miracles as are all those around us. and yes, it is a miracle we are all still here, given the strife life presents. but we are strong. and will carry on.
September 7th, 2008 at 12:55 am
I believe not all of us are here to answer questions. There are those who dare to ask them! I think you are one of those.
September 7th, 2008 at 3:13 am
Ya know why ya still here?
Cos no matter what ya say do or have done ya are a survivor…… and ya have ta be, cos other wise we would be all alone………
September 7th, 2008 at 3:13 am
Lucky ????? my ass ……………… pure instinct to carry on……..
September 7th, 2008 at 4:18 am
living in the first place is a miracle already. and as long as you are enjoying what you are doing, you are still great, not minding what others may think. as they say, yourself is your biggest critic
September 7th, 2008 at 5:32 am
Totomai is right. Just think of all the processes we had to go through to exist. Take your miracle and run with it.
September 7th, 2008 at 5:39 am
The miracle is ‘you are’…an individual with the skills to pull through your anguish and grow, emotionally charged, running full speed to take on the next event in your life. We all have those events in our past that we question…hey, I grew up in the 60’s and am soon to be 60…wait till that bomb hit’s ya…hang on for the ride of your life…freedom…
sharon
September 7th, 2008 at 6:49 am
Life is a daily event. That one split second that changes everything forever…it can be as simple or complex as circumstances dictates.
Each day is ours up to that point..Why? Irrelevant….Live it like you own it.
TJ
My entry on Miracle
September 7,
http://tjexpressionsblog.blogspot.com/
September 7th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Miracle doesn’t mean when something great unusual happens. It can be seen in day-to-day life. Thanks for realising me through this post. Nice write! We are living – isn’t this is a miracle?
September 7th, 2008 at 7:37 am
It could be argued that living is the meaning rather than the individual life itself. We all face choices and decisions everyday and we all take different choices and decisions. Some make it, some don’t. Not sure any of us really know the answers.
Sorry for being away for so long – but had to take a break from writing and blogging to get my head together again.
September 7th, 2008 at 9:11 am
your expression of self shows me u are great
September 7th, 2008 at 11:20 am
profound…….and I don’t use the word lightly.
September 7th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I don’t believe in religious miracles. I think life itself is a miracle and not always a benign one.
September 7th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I like your blog very much. I am adding it to my “hot bliggedy blogs” and would like to permission to repost your “Lost In The Storm” entry (photo and poem). I will of course give credit and link back to the original Deviant Art photographer’s page and yours.
Most sincerely,
Poly D.
September 7th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I feel like I was spared / saved and that its a miracle to be still alive too!
September 7th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Great introspection. I’m glad you came to a conclusion that lightened your load. A part of life will always be a mystery, it seems.
September 7th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Ah, I tried to write to this topic and ended up taking a pass. You’ve done a fine job! So, I’ll put my stuff away and re-read yours! Nice job, Jodi – as always.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:32 am
paisley,
Well put my dear. I couldn’t have said it better. We are no greater a miracle than the oak from the acorn, or the frog from the tadpole. To believe we are is the height of egotism, surley unwarranted. To paraphrase an old acquaintance of mine: we come , and we go!
rel
September 8th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I think you just freed yourself when you made that realization. I can see how you feel. What a burden must have been lifted from your shoulders.
Now that means you can do something great or not. You can do what you want to do, not what you thought you were meant to do. You are the pilot!
September 8th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Was it Albert Einstein who said there are two ways to live our lives: one is to believe that everything is a miracle, and the other to believe that nothing is. I think I choose the first.
September 8th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
PS Dr Lewis Thomas wrote in “Lives of a Cell”: Statistically speaking, the probability of any one of us being here is so small that you’d think the mere fact of existing would keep us all in a contented dazzlement of surprise….You’d think we’d never stop dancing.
September 9th, 2008 at 3:30 am
a lot of us got lucky
September 9th, 2008 at 6:34 am
((((((hugs)))))) from all.
Love ya
September 9th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Now that you realise you’re not that special perhaps you could concentrate on your punctuation. Always remember “life is but a joke”.
September 12th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I know that relief. I feel it every day right now. Sometimes, depending on my mood, I still feel guilty that my nose isn’t on that grindstone which always privately belonged to someone else I was trying to please. But most days are peaceful, and I hope that’s how you feel, too.