Monkeys 1. by ~longlivefidel on deviantART
first of all,, i want to thank those of you that took the time to share with me your innermost feelings on the subject of death.. where as i do not feel it should be a taboo subject,, i do realize that very often i am alone in that feeling.. for some reason, since it is the only experience in life we will all share,, and there is no proof that we will be able to sit around and discuss it further after having experienced it,, i feel compelled to express my feelings or insights,, and privileged when you share your feelings and insights with me in return..
as many of you know,, i have been experiencing a disconnectedness with life for the past few years.. i must confess it has often been a place that i have fought against being,, mainly because it was my preconceived notion, that we as humans are supposed to have this huge “bucket list” of things we need to do, or acquire, or experience, before we depart… i do not believe i am alone in the notion that the “correct approach” to living is to be forever on a mission to accumulate and/or accomplish the goals on that ever important “bucket list”…
it has taken me an inordinate amount of time to realize,, that my not having one,, is not a character flaw.. i kept thinking that if i went back,, and searched thru all that i have been , i would find those entries that are not,, but probably should be,, on my “bucket list”.. i felt less than because,, even after careful scrutiny,, i still came up “list less”…. i was convinced i had left them behind,, perhaps in that “garbage bag full of freedom”,, perhaps in my angst ridden youth,, perhaps i abandoned them in one of the many places i have been,, or maybe they belonged solely to one of the “me’s”,, that i had left behind….. it was not until i completed what i feel to be a very thorough period of introspection, and dissected all of those perhaps-es that i realized,, (as unpopular a truth as it may be) i just don’t have them..
that realization has allowed me to see that in many ways, my not having goals i feel driven to achieve,, frees me up to be ever so much more in the moment than those of us that are forever striving for the next, “i will be perfectly happy when….” i am not chasing a dream.. i am not seeking change.. i am not looking to accumulate.. i just am….
and sometimes i forget,, what an awesome place that can be…
if you are so inclined i would love to share with you a video called what we are.. i was first exposed to it about a year or so ago,, and i cannot think about “just be-ing” without,, remembering the monkeys…
August 19th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
That video is a revelation. My God, what a life-changing observation. 6 billion of us and we all still feel alone. It’s true. All this clamouring for stuff, stuff and more stuff, and to be the best, and fights over territory and oil; and the constant focussing on what will be, not on what is. It’s insane. Our inability to live in and appreciate the present will probably be what destroys us in the end. The guy who made that video is a prophet. We humans have the power to be such extraordinary creatures but we keep screwing things up time and time again. Thank you for this. I really needed to see it today. I needed a sign that constantly looking to the future is doing me no good. You have just given me that. XX
August 19th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
The you tube video was very interesting. I can’t help but wonder if this post isn’t a precursor for what you really want to tell us! As always, very well written.
This morning I heard a woman talking about meditation as a state of being, rather than the preconceived notion we have of it. Living each moment being present, encompassing each molecule of the moment…rather than always striving. I do believe most creativity is born from a state of being. I find I’m happier than most because I choose to live that way….but it’s not without boundaries for sure!
August 19th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Maybe all that’s needed is to keep an open mind to whatever comes up in life. When I practice yoga, I ask, what do you feel in this pose? What feels good? It’s a continuous assessment of the present moment. I don’t see a need to have a bucket list. But dreaming, and allowing yourself to want something, seems good too.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
First up, that video blew me away. So simple, so damn profound, I caught my breath at the end. Everyone should watch it and think about the bloody message in it……that said, chimpanzees are incredibly vicious, tribal creatures, so maybe we are just being monkeys…….but I loved it, so thanks for showing it to us. And the post, yes, you know death is on my mind a lot too…..I’m in a good place in my life, for once, I’ve never been miserable but I’ve never been content either until now, so it can come out of the blue when you least expect it or maybe it won’t but having unrealisitic expectations, that doesn’t help anyone (which is what I was guilty of years ago). When you let go and live for the now, then you feel so much better and I think having experienced the death of a person close to you somehow helps with this. Thanks for your mail. You know I’m here if ever you want to talk. J x
August 20th, 2008 at 2:00 am
paisley,
We all want something. Whether it be an idea, a bowl of rice, a car or a condo, or even peace of mind; to be present in the moment. Interestingly these are all “I” things. To truly experience the moment requires, I think, doing for others.
rel
August 20th, 2008 at 3:52 am
Monkey say………….Monkey do
August 20th, 2008 at 4:30 am
I have to agree with Rel….although doing for others is a high ideal to strive for and truly altruistic, something of character which many of us do not have. We think about it but acting on it is a different story.
In some ways I sympathize with your point of view because I sort of feel the same way, yet I do at times have goals that I strive for. Funny though. Once you do reach those goals the satisfaction is fleeting and suddenly another goal becomes pressing.
Take care Paisley.
~JD
August 20th, 2008 at 5:08 am
That video was a revelation. How many people do you know who spend their time saying: ‘I will be happy when….’, they are completely unable to live in the moment. The bit that got me in the video was when the narrator said: ‘6 billion people and we all struggle with feeling alone.’ That is so true. Dissatisfaction shapes us, possibly because we spend too much time looking forward and not enough time being content with what we have. The bucket list, to me, is just a bottomless pit of disappointment. This video has affected me quite strongly. I want to live in the present tense, not the future. I am really grateful for this post. Thank you.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:24 am
I think I am a crazy mix of needing to do for others daily and satisfying my feeling good about me at the same time. I need to feel a purpose ~ call that goal or vision perhaps. But I do agree about living in the now. I live now in a way to make my tomorrow better by feeling good about helping others. Maybe this is inbred (because I have had quite a rough life too and relate to other battlers and, as a high school teacher, perhaps the perspective comes with the job), but now just hope to help others and thereby help me just to be. Take away the others, and somehow I feel pointless.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:13 am
u are an achiever already
August 20th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Don’t have a list, never had a list, don’t want a list.
I’d rather be a monkey.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
me.. I’m a bucket lister..the only problem I have is I misplace the damn bucket all the time…I wonder if I do that on purpose..:)))
August 20th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I love that video, P. I can’t tell you how often – when I’m worried about something – I remind myself about how birds wake up every morning having no idea where their next meal will come from, and they sing.
What you’re experiencing sounds like contentment to me. What’s it like? Perhaps you could write a poem about it that helps people like me understand its nuances – just in case it ever decides to alight upon us.
xoxo
August 20th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Thanks for linking to the video – I sometimes feel that we set ourselves up to be unhappy by thinking we are so much better and smarter than any other animal. Staying in the present is difficult for me but I occasionally throw myself into tossing out lists and stretching into the very instant. I really enjoy following your journey and envy your ability to be so knowing about, and sharing of, yourself.
August 21st, 2008 at 7:11 am
I am totally stuck in the I will be happy WHEN mode. Not really a bucket list perse…but, I am forever chasing dreams and self imposing deadlines and trying to reach one too many unattainable goals.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:20 am
Good afternoon dearest Paisley. I wish I could see the video; but my work computer does not allow me to visit youtube; and I still have not been able to get internet at the place I’m staying. That said; I’ll come back to it because the comments have convinced me it is awsome. As far as expectations are concerned in life; I have found that most of what I felt were my expectations have always been expectations of others. We are who we are and I know that God loves us just as we are; we are perfect just so. Even if you do not believe in a supreme being; do know that what is most important is that you, and you are a Goddest; perhaps the only God you will ever have a relationship with, though I doubt it – love yourself just as you are. When you can love yourself inspite of the expectations of others, all else seems to fall into place. And, when you can love others, inspite of your expectations – then life seems to be what it is – life. That list you speak of is for those people who feel compelled to please others and who can not love themself for what they truly are; when all is stripped away we are all the same – we all have fears, we all have insecurities; and if we are lucky we all the capacity to love. Peace, Light and Love to you and yours. . . . CordieB.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:47 am
[...] I was inclined to repost this today after reading Paisley’s blog entries entitled, Remember the Monkeys and and I wait . So often in life we wander with goals and ambitions – that really are [...]
August 21st, 2008 at 11:17 pm
I was an achiever for my entire life. I think I’m done. Or at least I’m done by the other monkeys’ standards. I should know this because I live in a nest of professional monkeys. Serious monkeys. I was probably sort of one of them for a while, but only as a poser. Now, I’m a monkey observer and I enjoy my job. You’re smiling, right? It’s sad, but oh, so very true. And you know what? I’m smiling too. It’s great.