during the time that i was laid up and watching mass quantities of television, i became addicted to a show called gene simmons family jewels.. never having been a true kiss fan,, i knew next to nothing about gene simmons and even less about his family life,, and i must say lost very little sleep surrounding my ignorance…
i will not bore you with the juicy details,, but if you are at all interested the show airs for like 4 consecutive hours every sunday night on A&E,, and i invite you to tune in and see for yourself.. the only reason i brought this up,, was last week on the show,, shannon tweed, (gene’s girlfriend of 25 years and the mother of his two children,) and her sister tracey were at the playboy mansion talking about the night shannon and gene met.. tracey’s exact words to shannon that night were, “there’s a guy with a job, you outta go out with him…” and i thought,, “wow… even playboy bunnies living a “surreal” life had a hard time finding a date that had a job in the eighties…..”
now, i have long believed that the women’s liberation movement has done more to harm us as a society than it has ever done to empower women as a gender.. originally,, i based my thoughts on this subject solely on my inability to find a guy that didn’t expect me to support him…
i decided that when women became liberated, and quit remaining married to men simply because they were their sole source of support,, the male children of all of those single “supermoms” decided that was how life was supposed to be,, women working, and them laying around drinking beer and looking good….
lately i have read a handful of posts that have caused me to realize that today,, we are dealing with the after math of the first real generation born into the “equality of the sexes”.. we find ourselves in a situation where those same women that took a firm stance and entered the work force, only to find out they couldn’t find a date that had a job,, and those same guys that were raised to believe that it was ok to just kick back and be supported by women,, have not only procreated,, but are finding themselves in the position of becoming the grandparents…. and it is there in that this really gets complicated….
back in january, my friend anthony north wrote a post entitled, the female serf in which he outlines his take on how the “liberation” of the female sex was one the very necessary stepping stones in creating the consumerist society in which we find ourselves.. he says,, and i feel he has every right to,, that had women not taken to the work place the average families cash flow would never have been adequate to sustain the level of consumerism necessary to put us in the state of mass financial crisis we are currently finding ourselves….
and then just this morning i read two posts, one by cordieb called african american grandmothers, and one by raw dawg buffalo called when grandmommas gone, both of which are centered around the fact that the long standing matriarchal dominated black community is noticeably evolving as well.. and i realized that the women that they are discussing,, the grandmoms that are currently raising the children, and often the grandchildren today, while one or both of the parents are absent,, are the last of a dying breed.. the last generation before women’s lib really took effect,, and their plight is a direct result of women,, just like me..
the women born in the late fifties and early sixties.. the women that came of age in the first real era of liberation.. the women that grew up supporting themselves and believing that we can not only be anything a man can be,, but we don’t need one,, especially one that is gonna lay around and not work,, or expect us to not only pay half the bills,, but do all the house work and child rearing as well……. and i could not help but take that one step further and wonder,, where are we going to be when all the grandmoms are gone,, and there is no one left,, but us, to raise the children??
to be continued…..
August 14th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
My sons are still young, but if they needed me to help raise their children, I doubt I could refuse, for the sake of the babes.
I quit my teaching job after 18 years. During that time I gave birth to and raised my two boys. I worked so hard at earning a living, being good at my job, raising the kids, and keeping up the house, that I literally imploded. It has taken me two years to recover, and I still struggle with anxiety and depression. But I’m one of the lucky ones, because my husband is supportive, at least now he is. When he realized I would never go back to teaching high school, he knew he had no choice but to accept my decision.
Your post raises a lot of questions about what women need and want. All I know is that I require the freedom to make my own decisions, and I don’t want anyone bossing me around. Does that make sense?
August 14th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Interesting. I grew up with a single dad raising three kids. My attitude, I suppose, has always been one of “there is no one here but us to do all the work and raise the children.” I don’t understand people–either men or women–who think they can sit back and let someone else care for them. Even women in old fashioned households with working dads and stay-at-home moms do tons of work. It’s just non-paid, different work.
And I differ with the idea that women’s lib created our current financial crisis. Our current financial crisis has been built on excessive and unwise credit, not excessive wealth. The same thing happened in the 1920s, and while one could argue there was a certain amount of “liberation” in that era, fundamentally the economy was still driven by men working and women staying home. Our consumerism attitude, I contend, has not been driven by the extra income earned by a second household income, but by the advent of credit cards. VISA and MasterCard are a relatively recent phenomenon, and you can’t walk into a retail store without being accosted with “save 10% today if you sign up for our credit card!” There have been studies that show when people pay with credit cards, they spend more on average than they otherwise would have if they walked in with cash. Our national savings rate was negative in 2007. This is the culprit, not the women’s lib movement. In my humble opinion.
August 15th, 2008 at 1:40 am
paisley,
Oh missy, you’ve opened a can a worms with this one, now haven’t you. Perhaps that was your secondary intent. Were that it were that simple….woman’s lib causing all these problems. I agree that the slow demise of the traditional family unit has created problems. But like with most things, I don’t think we can pin the cause on just one thing. There is certainly enough fodder here for a lengthy post, more than a comment should contain. I’ll look at this under the microscope and give my take on it later.
rel
August 15th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Your post really struck a chord with me as I have felt this way about feminism for a while. The ‘Supermom Syndrome’ in particular has caused a lot of issues for women including burn out and a general sense of disenchantment. And quite frankly, the offspring of those women in many ways are so demotivated by their mother’s uber-motivation that they end up doing nothing of significance with their lives. I’m not just generalising because I have seen it. Of course, in its genesis feminism was a good thing. I really believe that. But I also think it went a step too far and has led to women being disadvantaged, not financially but emotionally. Men don’t know whether to open doors for us or ask us to run a company. I agreed with Anthony’s post about the female serf contributing to the rise of the consumerist culture and I agree with you. It hasn’t turned out the way Germaine Greer or Gloria Steinem thought, has it? To me, feminism seems unsustainable in contemporary culture. So much to think about here.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I love that TV show. And I do not like Gene Simmons….However, I am all for finding a 1950’s husband that says “no woman of mine will work”…I think I would be quite happy with a feather duster in one hand and a Martini in the other!
August 15th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Sometimes an individual has to hit rock bottom in order to get a well needed wake up call. This unfortunately also occurs even in whole generations and societies; the rock bottom must be hit in order to give a wake up call. I do pray this is not the case for us today. But if it is so, do know that we as a society will be made stronger from it. Great article Paisley – - – As always, Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.
August 15th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Little One, Great post today! Loved it! You are so right and it seems two jobs are barely enough to keep the household going. I have had the past eighteen months to reflect, recooperate from exhaustion and write. Sadly, I need to return to the work force. Wish me luck.
August 15th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I just read an article yesterday entitled “Should guys pay for dates?” I’m feeling, wow… have I been left behind by the times. Call me old-fashioned but I can’t recall not paying for every single date I’ve had. And this is regardless of whether I asked or was asked out.
By the way, I’ve been a huge KISS fan since I was a kid, and do watch the show regularly! The guys nuts but, that’s entertainment, I guess.
August 15th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Sadly, I believe I can never retire! It is impossible! I support an ill man! True! But while he is at home, he literally does everything round the house ~ cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing! Mind you, I cringe with the cleaning efforts! But can’t say much when he supports me in every way so that I have the strength to maintain a very demanding job!
But I also believe our balance is quite unique! I know of only one other (at work) in an identical situation where the woman works and the man stays at home and does household chores! (And this guy is not ill!) Most other guys I know expect the woman to work and manage the house! Sometimes the male works at an outside home job, but not always! And often, the woman has the more taxing job outside the home!
If only we could all negotiate a balance of work commitments in our relationships so that one does not completely expect the other to be a slave!
Has Women’s Lib just given the opportunity for role reversal? Is that honestly an achievement?
August 15th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
damn interesting post and worth thinking about..your points are well taken..
August 15th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Well, in my industry of commercial real estate, you’d never have a clue that women have evolved in the workforce. Except in some rare instances where I’m not sure they could be described as women. More like a woman who has mutated – out of necessity in order to achieve success – into a much more domineering and cutthroat personality than any man could hope to me. I’m actually not knocking that, its just that it would be a lot better if they could find some balance. I think it would garner them a lot more respect as a whole.
I like that Gene Simmons show too. I am always so shocked at how relatively conservative he is.
August 15th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
that is a wild show
August 16th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
To me feminism was an academic ploy to squash the consumerism pointed solely to women in the 50s. Remember seeing those adverts with the “Leave it to Beaver” perfect mother, in the perfect kitchen, wearing the perfect apron, watching for her perfect white collar working husband to come home to his delicious piping hot dinner on the table. My mother told me to always make sure I had my lippy on when hubby came home (nah she didn’t mean ONLY lippy)!
Adverts aimed at women during that time were the start of wanting more and more, a gleaming new refrigerator, a vacuum cleaner that sucked harded, a washer that washed whiter … consumerism, in the patriarchial dominated society of the time was where materialistic notions began as did the women who decided they’d not take abuse in the home any longer. They’d seen their mothers locked in asylums for having a breakdown, so the male dominated medical profession of that era began prescribing valium … sounding more like a conspiacy theorist… NO, it’s all true, I lived it! Excellent thought provoking post MsP… eagerly waiting your next instalment.
Hey wish we could get 4 hours of Gene down here, he’s a soft touch in real life, love the show! LYM. oxoxo
August 17th, 2008 at 11:56 am
This reminded me of growing up during the Women’s Lib movement and how I perceived it and fought against it. Everyone thought I was absolutely crazy. I’ll have to write about that part of my life and the people that influenced me.
There’s a lot of truth in your post. With that said, I’ll stop and go re-read it and maybe do some writing between editing the novel I am helping a friend with.
August 18th, 2008 at 3:03 am
It seems to me that Women’s Liberation did little for us women, other than to give us more work. Now, not only are we expected to keep up the home, but also work outside of it as well. Instead of one job, we now have two, and the pay still sucks!
A great post, Paisley! I really enjoyed it.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Well said. I was born in the late fifties, and can say that I’ve worked my ass off and raised my own kids even when there wasn’t a husband to help. My mom did the same. We wouldn’t dream of foisting our children off on someone else. Yes, children are fortunate to have grandparents who step up to raise them. Sometimes, though, I think that had they not been there to help, parents would have to grow up and be responsible. Since my two older sons haven’t had kids, maybe that’s the product — the hard work opened their eyes, and there’s much more time later in life to have kids.
October 18th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
How many women has Gene slept with.Supposed to be in the thousands and he had the polaroids to prove it.
He must have many little jewels spread around the globe.
Hardly good marriage material