last night as i laid in bed
i wondered what the hell
i am going to do with myself
if i live another,, say thirty years….
can a person last that long
sitting in front of a computer screen
writing random bits of poetry?
i do not have huge aspirations
i do not have a list of unfulfilled dreams
i don’t even have
a multitude of things
i am putting off doing…
i could stand to lose a little weight-
but is weight loss a reason to live?
and suppose i do,, lose weight that is
then what?
do i sit here and look at my sleek
new body as it is reflected
in the computer screen
and write skinnier poetry?
for thirty years????
ok.. it seems as if i am back at square one… when i started this blog i was 45 single and quite contented,, yet had no longing for life… then grief struck,, and while i must say it was a formidable muse,, i am as pleased,, if not more so,, to say that after a year in it’s trenches,, i am relieved of its ever cumbersome brand of introspections…..
so now.. here i am nearly 47,, and still single,, still not lonely,, still feeling ever so much safer here in my little fortress alone with my dogs than anywhere else on the planet,, and i wonder… what the hell am i going to do for the next thirty years???? fuck…
you see,, i do not want friends. i do not want a relationship. i do not want silly hobbies. i do not long to be fitter or trimmer or even healthier for that matter. i have no desire to become a foodie,, a tree hugger,, a planet saver,, a witch,, a buddhist,, or a christian… i don’t feel a need to travel. or buy anything. or make anything. and god forbid i should after forty odd years take an interest in house work or anything else even slightly domestic…
i do enjoy my writing,, but to date have never sent anything out to be rejected.. not because i am afraid of rejection mind you,, but rather,, i could not endure any changes that might become necessary in my daily routine should someone actually be interested in buying anything i write…
i am not so much looking for suggestions as to how i can enrich my life,, as i doubt i would change a thing,,, but i cannot help but wonder,, what do you plan to do to occupy yourself for the next thirty years??????
photo:
http://lowfrequencies.deviantart.com/art/reflection-of-the-reflection-57014126
