i called her today.. i called her because i wanted to tell her how much i loved her,,
how much she means to me.. how she had once been the very center of my world…
and no one had ever been able to take her place…
but instead we talked about the weather,, and her class reunion
and the way that age had of making things that once seemed all important
bleed and fade like the ink on the unpreserved page….
i called her today,, i wanted to remind her that she was my first love
that i had never loved anyone as much as i loved her,,
that it was her love that had made all other loves possible..
and against which they would all forever be judged
but instead i told her about the the poem i had written,, and the book i think i may well never finish,,
we talked about the garden and the dogs and the man who said he would come to cut the grass,,
but never did…
i called her today my heart so full of love,, my mind overflowing with memories
of the times we spent in each others arms,, the tender goodnight kisses,, the loving glances
that stripped me of my insecurities and made me feel as if i could conquer the world….
but instead i told her that i would talk to her later,, as this long distance was costing me a fortune…..
and anyway,, i should be feeding the cat,, and getting the dogs in for dinner,, or folding the clothes
that finished drying an hour or so ago….
i called her today,, with every intention of making today the day i told her
all the things that have been weighing so heavily on my heart,,
all the things i have wanted to say for so long but had never garnered the courage to do so,,
all the things i don’t want either of us to ever leave this world without me having said…
but instead i waited until after we had said our good byes,, and added,, almost as an after thought,, “mama… i love you…”
photo:
http://fc07.deviantart.com/fs7/i/2005/203/8/5/a_phone____by_Gazo.jpg
